Glass
by Swanstream
Summary: The sensation wasn't painful. It was good. My arms tingled, begging me for it again. I happily obliged. I reached to carve another gash into my arm closing my eyes and anticipating the bliss. Suddenly, a pair of strong hands slapped the glass away. "NO!"


**One shot I have been working on. It's really angsty, and involves self harm. So… there's your warning.**

**I don't own Gallagher Girls!**

**Check out my other stories please. Thanks!**

I'm not gonna lie.

Life really sucked right now.

There. Truth.

I know, something really rare from a person like me.

A spy.

A spy in training that is.

If you're reading this, that means that you're either A) A snoop who found this loose piece of paper in my most secret hiding spot ever B) A spy- go figure C) Realizing I'm dead and in the end, I did succeed.

Or maybe, it's neither of these. Maybe fate just brought you to this and you are just hearing about the infamous Cammie Morgan, AKA Chameleon.

If this is you, then hi. I'm Cameron Ann Morgan and I go to Gallagher Academy for spies in training. My headmistress is my mother and my father was murdered. I had 3 best friends and we used to always laugh and chat together, acted to be as normal as we could be, considering what we were.

I have an ex-boyfriend who was a security threat to us little spies, so he had to be brainwashed and now doesn't remember what I am. Tragic.

I have a potential boyfriend, who seems to have an endless pit of secrets, is the only boy student at Gallagher, and has a mother that has tried to kill me about 3 times already. So, I guess he's not really a potential boyfriend after all. Tragic.

Life really sucked right now.

Anyway, I'm righting this in the crisp darkness of Gallagher, in a room that is not mine, blood on my white sleeve with an unconscious boy next to me.

So, let me tell you how I got into this position,

It all started with me losing my memory over the summer. Then realizing my father was dead. Then with my mother ignoring me. Then with me running away again, only this time with Bex and Macey. Then I lost Bex, who sacrificed herself for me and Macey was battered near to death. Then with me returning to Gallagher with one half alive Macey, and one half alive me. Then an angry Liz. Then an angry everybody. Then my mother completely pretending I'm not her disappointment of a child. Then with my unofficial boyfriend that was pissed I left him again and killed his new best friend.

Now, I'm a stranger to my mother. Macey's in a coma. Zach detests me. Liz can't even look at me. No one can. Everybody hates me.

I hate me.

So there I stood in my single dorm, staring at myself in the full length mirror.

I looked as well as dead. My hair hung limp, my eyes were dull. My complexion was a waxy color and I was thin as a thread.

I had bandages on my arms and a scar across my cheek. Bruises coated me, as well as welts. I looked like absolute hell.

I didn't realize I was crying until a tear landed on my arm. I stared at in in awe.

I thought of all the things I had done.

I killed Bex.

I killed many others; innocent and evil.

I endangered my friends.

I endangered my sisters.

I betrayed Gallagher.

I lost myself.

Before I knew it, my hand was flailing in the air, punching the mirror in a perfect form any spy would be jealous of, if it were not directed at such an object.

The mirror shattered, clanked and clattered at my feet. Even in a tiny million pieces, I still saw myself. The monster I was.

I grabbed a shard that looked extra pointy to me, ripped off the bandage on my right arm, revealing the bullet graze.

I sighed as I stabbed the glass into the wound, opening the black stitches and making the blood pour out twice as fast as it had when I had first received the original wound.

Once I was satisfied with the three-inch long gash, I looked down and saw that the wooden floor, as well as my arm was stained red. The blood dripped to the floor, making little platter noises.

Suddenly, I realized. I felt no pain. I should be screaming in agony, crying with fear at the sight of my life pouring out of me. But I didn't. The sensation wasn't painful. It was good.

My arms tingled, begging me for the sensation again. I happily obliged.

I reached to carve another slash into my flesh. Closing my eyes, I anticipated the bliss.

Suddenly, a pair of strong hands slapped the glass away from me. I heard it shatter into hundreds of smaller pieces. My eyes snapped open and I screamed when I realized what was happening.

"NO!" I shrieked. I desperately tried to reach for another shard, howling incoherent words the entire time. But the hands only dragged me away from the pile of broke mirror. I wailed as I fought to go back to my precious shards.

"Stop Cam! Cammie no!" a stern voice ordered me. I whimpered and tried to crawl back to my haven.

"Please! I need to… I can't without… I need it…" I sobbed. Tears streamed down my waxy face, turning my eyes bloodshot.

The hands just embraced me, hugging my arms to my chest and staining my uniform red.

"It's okay, I got you. It's okay Cam. It's okay Gallagher Girl." And in that moment, I knew it was Zach holding me. It was him that stopped me from killing myself. He was there with me, when no one else was.

Strangely enough, my sobs subsided, and stared blankly at the beige wall.

Now, he was just holding me, but I was still bleeding. But not as much. I was already healing.

"I should get that fixed," he murmured. And with that, he gently picked me up bridal style and carried me to his room, closing my door behind him.

When we got to his dorm, he pulled out a first aid kit and began to bandage my gashes. I stared numbly at it, watching my arm disappear under the gauze.

I avoided his gaze until he was finished. Through my tired eyes, I saw that his preppy uniform was stained too. Oops.

I fingered the bandage thoughtfully as he tucked away the first aid kit. Finally, he sat on the floor next to me and ran his fingers through his hair. I stared at the floor.

"Why?" he asked simply. I bit my lip and stared at the floor like it was the most important thing in the world.

I shook my head. There was nothing else I could do," I croaked. My voice was cracked from crying.

He hissed and was instantly gripped my bony shoulders firmly. "Look at me," he growled. I hesitated. I didn't want to,

"Cam," he warned. So I meekly peeked at him.

His amazing green eyes shone with so many emotions it made my heart pound.

"You could do anything! Why resort to this?" he asked in a dangerously low voice. I knew that he was trying to understand _why_ I would try to end it. End everything. But he couldn't. He didn't know what I felt like. So I shook my head.

"Everyone hates me." I whispered. "They all want me dead. They wish I was gone instead of Bex. I'm a monster," I paused. I saw the horror in his eyes. My lip wobbled as I felt the urge cry again. _No, hold it back_, I pleaded myself.

"Why would you stop me? You hate me too." I said curiously. It was a fact, I knew it. He did hate me. Everyone did. Why else would he avoid me? Why _wouldn't_ he despise me? I couldn't be loved.

I felt his grip on my shoulders tighten, and before I could wince from the pressure, I felt his lips on mine.

Either I was one of the dumbest spies on earth, or the blood loss was getting to me, but it took 3.28 seconds to realize that _Zach was kissing me. _Kissing me.

On the lips.

Holy shit, Zach was kissing me.

I quickly pulled away and attempted to stand before tumbling back down.

"Cammie," his voice was drowned with hurt. His arms enveloped me again. "I would never hate you," he said strongly. "I was mad. I was mad at myself and honestly, at you. I should have stopped you. Kept you three here. Why did you leave without me Cam?" I trembled as I stared at him. I could see all the colors in his eyes. I felt my heart pound and my eyelids get heavy. I bleakly attempted to get out words before I passed out.

"You couldn't have kept me here Zach. You have to realize that," I smiled faintly and then, I fell asleep in his arms.

I woke up in the middle of the night after that. (3:42 to be exact). I found myself in Zach's bed, his arms looped around me loosely.

I cursed and gently unlinked himself from me, replacing my space with a pillow.

Heading back to my room, I grabbed a piece of loose leaf paper and a navy blue nautical pen I stole from Macey a long time ago and began to write this very entry.

So I guess you are still expecting me to write a happy ending. Me finishing the entry to back to Zach's room and cuddle? Kiss him good morning and pretend that we're a happy couple? No. That's not me. It could have been, a summer ago, but not now.

I still hated this New Cammie. I hated her more than anything. And I was going to get rid of her eventually. Then maybe I can salvage the old Cammie in the ruins. Then maybe I can cuddle Zach and kiss him good morning.

So I pick up the broken mirror shards, washed away the blood stains and put on a new shirt.

I remembered how Zach was there last night, how he comforted me in my craze. How he held me so fragilely like _I_ was made of glass. I clenched my teeth together.

I _will_ get rid of this Cammie. _I will_, I wore as I stared at the glassless mirror frame.

No face stared back at me.

I 'll try again next time. Next time when Zach's not watching.

I'll wait.

**No sequels. Review please. Thank you.**

**~Swanie**


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